


Nothing besides you matters

by Umeya_kun



Category: bungou stray dogs
Genre: BoyxBoy, Cheesy, Comedy, M/M, kinda fluff kinda lemon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 01:22:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14438448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Umeya_kun/pseuds/Umeya_kun
Summary: Bungou stray dogs but in college and gayer!





	1. Chapter 1

-Headmaster- 

I was working on my paperwork when I heard a knock at the door.

"Come on in" I said

The door opened and a boy with white hair came in.

 

"Um...uh...hello" the boy said nervously

"Hi, you must be Atsushi Nakajima, you are Mr. Nakajima right?" I asked not completely sure

"Yeah I am" the boy said shifting in his spot

"Okay well have a seat" I said looking at his profile

Atsushi sat down awkwardly. 

"Okay so your profile says that you are 18 years old, is that correct?" I asked 

"Yes" Atsushi answered

I looked back at the profile and skimmed through it.

"Wait! You have never been to school before!?" I shouted 

The boy flinched and put his arms up as if to protect himself. "Y-yes" the boy said.

"Sorry for shouting,....anyway we are done here, this is your schedule for the year don't lose it" I said handing the boy the piece of paper.

"Okay...I'll take my leave then" the boy said standing up 

"Oh, wait, I almost forgot your dorm number is 369" I said handing him his room key

He grabbed the key and walked out. "Is he going to be okay?" I asked myself, "probably not" I answered.

-Atsushi- 

"Damn it, I was way too nervous!", I said to myself, "Get a grip!"

I decided to walk over to the dorms first. I knew the dorms were big, but I didn't expect I would get lost. I was wondering around the dorms looking for my room when I bumped into someone. 

"Hey! Watch it" the person said angrily

"Sorry" I said looking at the ground as I started to walk past the person

After I walked past the person I looked up to find that my dorm room was right in front of me.

"Wow, I am blind" I thought to myself

I walked up to my room and unlocked the door. When I walked in I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Since I didn't feel like investigating what I saw I decided to ignore it. I walked over to the couch and put my backpack next to it.

"Hey roomie" a voice said

I quickly whipped my body around and was startled by the person next to the door.

"Hello" I said

"Hmm I was hoping you would be bit more scared, oh well" the man said

"So roomie what's your name?" The man asked

"My name is Atsushi Nakajima, what's yours?" I asked slightly curious

"Oh right my name is Dazai Osamu" the man said

 

-Dazai-

I was looking around the room when all of a sudden the door opened. I hid out of instinct, then I realized it was only a harmless kid who was most likely younger than I was. I decided to hide a little longer to see if he noticed me it seemed like he didn't yet, so I quietly walked over to the door and greeted him hoping he would be startled, however, he seemed to be completely unfazed. 

"Okay so how old are you" I asked in hopes he was younger than me

"Um...I'm 18" Atsushi answered

"Wait you're only 18!?" I asked hoping I misheard him

"Um yeah...is that so shocking?" Atsushi asked looking a bit confused

"Yeah it is since most of the students here are at least 20!" I yelled unable to keep my composure

"......" Atsushi was completely silent

We said nothing for a while, when suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Dazai let me in I'm pretty sure I forgot my dorm keys on the table" the voice said 

Dazai went over to the door and opened it. A boy probably around 19 with long orange-brown hair and sharp eyes stepped in. 

 

"Oh, so it was Chuuya" Dazai said disappointedly

"What were you expecting it to be someone else" Chuuya asked

"Well come in and grab your keys" Dazai said gesturing him to come in

Chuuya started walking to the table when he noticed someone else in the room.

"Hey Dazai who's this?" Chuuya asked pointing to Atsushi 

"Oh right, he's my roommate, his name is Atsushi" Dazai said closing the door.

Chuuya looked at the kid for a while then stretched out his hand for a hand shake. It seemed Atsushi didn't know what a handshake was because he just stared at his hand confusedly.

"Oh so you're not big on handshakes then" Chuuya said putting his hand to the back of his head

"Um what's a handshake?" Atsushi asked

I looked at Chuuya dumbfounded and he looked at me the same way.

"Wait so you really don't know what a handshake is!?" I asked shocked

 

-Atsushi- 

"No" I replied confused why they were so shocked

"Where have you been living to not know what handshakes are?" Chuuya asked with concern engulfing his voice

".....I would like to keep that to myself...." I choked, my mind being devoured by my own darkness and regret 

They seemed to understand and didn't ask again, instead they changed the subject.

"Chuuya are you going to stay for dinner tonight?" Dazai asked

"Please stay" I said hoping he would

Chuuya looked at me for a few seconds then answered.

"Sure, but can I invite my roommate?" He asked

"Yeah that's fine" Dazai said, "besides that would only be fair since you got to meet mine"

"Yeah, I'll go to my room and get my roommate to come here" Chuuya said grabbing his keys and walking to his room

 

-Chuuya-

"How am I going to get that stubborn piece of shit agree to go over there!?" Chuuya thought, "well I guess I'm going to have to drag him there"

I walked into the room to find my roommate, Akutagawa Ryunosuke, laying down on his bed playing a video game, most likely league of legends, and doing his homework. 

"What are you playing now?" I asked

"League of Legends" he said not even looking up

"Oh so I was right" I thought

"You're going to join me in Dazai's dorm for supper in a little while" I said

"Ok" he replied

"I don't care how much you don't want t...Wait you said yes!?" I yelled in disbelief

"Yeah I don't really care where we eat I just want some food" Akutagawa said 

"Awesome then in an hour we're heading over" I said triumphantly

"Ok" he said as he went back to his video game

 

One hour later

"Akutagawa get up we're heading over" I said excitedly

"....." Akutagawa got up and walked over to the door

We started walking over to Dazai's room. When we got over there we knocked. I thought Dazai was going to open the door instead we were greeted by an excited Atsushi.

 

-Akutagawa- 

When Chuuya told me we were going over to Dazai's I didn't really give a shit, but a thought crossed my mind "I wonder who his roommate is?", that thought was the only reason why I agreed to go.

When we got there I was expecting some stupid, ugly person as his roommate, but instead we were greeted with this happy, beautiful ball of joy.

 

-Atsushi-

I thought Chuuya's roommate would be like him or even like Dazai, but he wasn't he was tall, dark, and pretty handsome. When he looked at me his eyes widened in surprise, I wondered why he was shocked. 

 

"Come in food is almost done" I said opening the door wider so they could walk in

Chuuya and his roommate sat with Dazai as I finished getting the food ready. I got done with the food and served everybody up. I made curry over rice with a side of chocolate pudding in case they didn't like curry and as a dessert. When I placed the food in front of them they looked astonished. When they tried the food they looked pleased with how it tasted, so I sat down and started eating with them.

 

-Akutagawa-

"Nobody told me he could cook, why didn't they tell me", I thought. I looked over at the rest of them and they looked as surprised as I was.

"Atsushi I didn't know you could cook" Dazai said to his roommate

"Oh, so his name is Atsushi..." I thought 

"Well I didn't expect you to know since I just met you" Atsushi said while eating

"Yeah that's true" Chuuya chimed in

"Hey did you meet the headmaster yet?" Dazai asked

"Yeah, I met him this morning" Atsushi said

"Did you get your schedule?" Chuuya asked 

"Yeah, do you want to see it?" Atsushi asked

"Yeah I want to see if we have the same classes" Chuuya said

Atsushi got up and grabbed his schedule and handed it to Chuuya.

"Hmmm... this is weird" Chuuya said

"What?" Atsushi asked

"Well, we all have the same classes together except for last period" Chuuya said 

"What!?" Dazai shouted

"I don't know why, but we have chemistry, cooking, math, Lang. Arts, and foreign language together at the same time" Chuuya said, "I thought it was just a coincidence for me, Dazai, and Akutagawa to have the same classes, but it's just plain weird when even Atsushi has the same classes".

"Yeah, maybe the headmaster is trying something new" I suggested

"Or he fucked up the schedules" Dazai said

"Either way does it really matter?" Atsushi asked

".....um not really.....but if he did mess up there could be potential consequences since we knew but didn't confront him about it" Chuuya said

"Ok then should we go see him now or stall for another hour" Dazai asked sarcastically

We went to the Headmaster's office to find him doing paperwork when we walked in he seemed genuinely surprised to see Atsushi with us.

-Headmaster- 

"It seems like he did make it" I thought proudly, "good for you Atsushi"

"Why did you guys come here?" I asked with a grin on my face

They didn't say anything, but I could see the question "why are they all the same?" in their eyes. They handed me their schedules, I didn't expect this big of a coincidence, but it seemed like I gave them all the same classes except for last period.

"I might have fun this" I thought

"There is nothing wrong with your schedules, I just wanted Atsushi to have some friends" I said 

They were shocked when I said that, although Atsushi was shocked the most by my words. It was at that moment I realized why he was so shocked. I remembered what it said on his profile, he never had friends or anyone that was nice to him. I felt a bit of pity when I remembered that. Soon after I said that I shooed them off, since it was almost curfew (curfew is at 11:30 pm). 

"I wonder why they were so shocked?" I thought, "probably just shocked by my awesomeness" 

 

-Akutagawa-

"Why was the headmaster so nice?" I asked Dazai on the way back to the dorms

"I don't know" he said as shocked as I was

"Does anyone know?" I asked everyone in our group including Atsushi 

They all replied no to my question. Which sort of surprised me since we're talking about Atsushi and they like him a lot. Everyone went to their dorms to sleep. That's it, it's the end of the day.

5 hours later

I woke up to a knock on my door, I turned and looked to see if Chuuya was still sleeping, but he wasn't there. I got up and went to open the door. When I opened it I expected to see Dazai or Chuuya, but instead it was Atsushi in his pajamas, which was just a baggy t-shirt and some shorts, and a long, fluffy blanket. 

"Wh-what are y-you doing here!?" I said flustered

"Well Chuuya went to Dazai and my dorm....." he said

"Well, for now how about you come in here" I said trying to figure out why I was so flustered 

I let him in and we sat at the end of my bed. 

"So do you want to play a video game?" I asked breaking the awkward silence that settled in the air

"Sure, what games do you have?" He asked

"I have a lot, what kind of video games do you like to play?" I asked

"....I...have..never played a video game before" he said twiddling his thumbs and looking down in embarrassment 

"Seriously, man where did you live before now" I said kind of disappointed 

"......." he didn't say anything else

"Sorry that was rude of me" I said realizing how he feels about people asking where he lived before

"It's fine..." Atsushi said looking up

"Well let's go to bed" I said

"Yeah, sure" Atsushi said going on the floor

"Wait, where are you going" I asked

"On the floor" he said 

"You can sleep on Chuuya's bed" I said, "it's better than the floor"

"Ok" Atsushi said climbing on to Chuuya's bed

We went to sleep. In the morning, when I woke up he was already gone. I got ready like usual, and went to class. Atsushi was already there by the time I went into the classroom. I went up to talk to him, but stopped in my tracks, I noticed he was shaking uncontrollably. At first I thought he was just cold, then it hit me...he was scared.

"Hey are you okay, Atsushi?" I asked hoping to calm him down

He said nothing, I waited a little bit longer, but it didn't seem he noticed me. Just when I reached out my hand to touch his arm the headmaster burst into the room.

"Don't touch him!" He shouted

His sudden outburst startled me, I fell on the floor.

"Why can't I touch him?" I asked as the headmaster was running up to me and Atsushi

"If you touch him now....you'll be hurt more than you think" the headmaster said looking down

"What do you mean by th-" I was cut off by a loud shriek of pain

I looked at Atsushi, I couldn't believe my eyes....he turned into a DEMON! His white hair turned black, his purple-yellow eyes turned a bloody red.

"Atsushi what do you see?" The headmaster asked him in a surprisingly calming voice

"Peo-people" Atsushi choked

"What are the people doing, what do they look like?" The headmaster asked

"The-they're like vulgar dolls of tainted meat with faces constructed of melted iron, solidified into haunting faces of uniform grimaces" Atsushi said

"That's one hell of a description for people" the headmaster said

The headmaster put his hand on Atsushi's forehead, in a matter of seconds Atsushi passed out.

"What the hell just happened?" I asked 

"Don't tell him I told you this, but Atsushi used to be a test experiment" the headmaster said

"What?!" I shouted unable to control my voice

"Yeah I found it unbelievable too, but it's the truth" the headmaster said

"How do you know about it?" I asked

"The test results came with his profile" he said

"What do you mean by test results?" I asked

"What I mean is...they performed so many experiments on him that he developed another personality to protect himself... the only problem is that the other personality tears up his mind by making his body and mind transform into this monster-like thing, so we have to try as hard as possible to keep the other personality away or he will turn into a massive serial killer and most likely get the death sentence" the headmaster said

"Wow" I said surprised the headmaster actually seemed to care

"Ok I have to ask do I seem that uncaring to everyone?" The headmaster asked

"Yes" I said

"Why?" He asked

"Remember that one time when Dazai went to your office with a broken arm and asked to go to the hospital, but since he didn't go to class that day you told him no? It was probably because of that" I said

"Well students shouldn't miss class" the headmaster said

 

-Atsushi-

"Where am I, it's dark?" I thought

I hear voices...I have to leave this dark place, but how? I can still hear voices, but they seem closer now. The voices seem familiar, is it the headmaster and Akutagawa that I'm hearing? I don't know, but I need to wake up!

"Ow" I said hurting all over

"Hey he's waking up" someone said

"Yeah you're right" another voice said

I sat up, "where am I?" I asked

"You're still in the classroom" Akutagawa said

"Don't worry you're excused if you want to go to the infirmary instead of class today" the headmaster said

"Oh yeah and if you want to call me just text me and if you don't want to call me headmaster, since that is probably too long then you can call me Yukichi" the headmaster said

"Ok, Yukichi" I said almost naturally

"You know I thought that if someone was told to call the headmaster of their school by their name they would say it unnaturally, but it seems I was wrong" Yukichi said

"Anyway, how are you holding up?" Akutagawa asked

"I'm fine, I guess" I replied not so sure

"What do you mean by 'I guess'?" Akutagawa asked

"I just mean that I'm fine" I said

"At least for now" I whispered under my breath

It didn't seem like anyone heard what I said, so we talked a little bit longer, soon after the bell rang, so Akutagawa took me to the infirmary. 

"Oh right, Akutagawa since you're taking Atsushi to the infirmary you might as well stay there with him, so you're also excused for this class" Yukichi said

"Ok" Akutagawa said

We got to the infirmary a little before the second bell, the nurse wasn't there, so I just took a vacant bed. I fell asleep a little bit after laying down. I woke up about an hour later, but when I woke up there was another presence with me. I looked down and pulled some of the covers off, to my surprise Akutagawa was sleeping right next to me. 

My first thought was "he is too adorable", and then I thought "wait did anyone notice he was sleeping with me, if anyone did I hope they didn't misunderstand!".

 

-Akutagawa-

A while after Atsushi went to sleep, I decided to check up on him. I pulled back the curtain that was covering the bed, and found him curled up into a ball under the blanket.

"Awww, he's too cute!" I thought, "just watching him sleep is making me tired"

After I thought that I got up and was about to go back to my chair when there was a slight tug on my shirt, I looked back and found Atsushi's hand stopping me from leaving.

"Don't leave me all alone" he mumbled

"It's fine Atsushi I was never going to leave you" I whispered in his ear

He seemed to hear me because he let got of my shirt, but now I was more tired than ever, so I decided that I might as well go to sleep too.

"I hope Atsushi won't mind if I sleep next to him" I thought 

I got onto the bed and pulled up the covers. 

"How is the bed this warm?!" I thought

The bed turned out to be pretty comfy, I fell asleep soon after laying down. I woke up to a loud noise that startled me. I looked over where Atsushi was laying and found out Atsushi looking at me with his face turning red.

"Hey Atsushi are you okay, do you have a fever?" I asked putting my hand on his forehead 

"I-I-I'm fine" Atsushi stuttered

"Are you sure?" I asked

"Y-y-yeah" Atsushi stammered

"Ok, then do you want something to eat?" I asked

"Sure, I think the cafeteria is open since it's lunch time" Atsushi replied

"Wait, what time is it?" I asked hoping we didn't over sleep

"Um, it's around 11:30 am" Atsushi said

"Crap, we overslept!" I said worried that we'll get in trouble

"Oh, about that the principal came in here to check on us and since we were sleeping he gave us another pass for the next few classes" Atsushi said

"Were you awake for that long?" I asked

"No, the principal just left a note" Atsushi said showing me the note

"Awesome, I didn't feel like having to write a 10 page essay" I said relieved 

"Same" Atsushi said, " oh right, and by the way why were you sleeping with me?" He asked

"Well seeing you sleep got me tired as well, so I just lied down and fell asleep" I said

"There are other beds, so why did you sleep on mine with me?" He asked skeptically

"Well if there were other people who needed the bed and I was laying on it, then I would just be a bother" I said

"Hmmm....ok well the principal seems to have taken a picture of you and I sleeping because he just sent me a picture" Atsushi said

"Wait a second you have a phone?" I asked

"Yeah, of course I do" Atsushi said

"Can I see the picture he sent?" I asked 

"Sure" Atsushi said

When I saw the picture I felt my face turning red. Atsushi is too cute when he's sleeping. 

"Akutagawa you're too cute" I heard Atsushi say as he started to lean in

It was happening too fast, before I knew it Atsushi leaned in and kissed me.

"Hey....Atsushi...stop....." I tried to say

"How was he this good at kissing?!" I thought

While we were kissing I started to feel numb from the pleasure, then it seemed like I forgot how to breathe because I wasn't breathing through my nose anymore. Soon after Atsushi stopped and looked at me seductively.

"Was that your first kiss?" He asked licking his lips

"......Yeah" I replied getting lost in his eyes

"Then are you a virgin" he asked

"Obviously" I said snapping out of my trance

"Then do you want your first time to be with me?" He asked


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same thing as the last summary

-Akutagawa-

"Umm....how do I answer this!?" I thought to myself

"Wait a second, let me sort my thoughts out" I told him hoping he would back off

"Ok, I'll give you 10 days to sort out your thoughts" Atsushi said

"What if I need more time?" I asked

"Then come and ask and I'll give you 10 more days, but the most days you can get is 30" Atsushi replied

"Why only up to 30?" I asked 

"Because, I don't know when I'll change and if I'll die the next time it happens" Atsushi said with a sorrowful expression

 

2 hours later

"Should I tell Dazai about this?" I asked myself

"Tell me what?" Dazai asked

"WTF! Dazai you shouldn't scare people like that!" I yelled

"Sorry, sorry, but anyway what was it that you were debating whether to tell me about?" Dazai asked

"Uhh....Atsushi sort of confessed to me? Well actually I don't really know if that was a confession or not, he seemed like a different person, I honestly thought he was innocent, but boy was I wrong, he's more like the creator of everything dirty" I said not knowing what to do

"Wait calm down tell me the story from the beginning" Dazai said

It took me a while, but I finally explained everything to him.

"Wait, so Atsushi isn't a cute, innocent cinnamon roll?" Dazai asked

"Yeah he's more like a deviant" I replied

"He's not that bad, is he?" Dazai asked

"He might be, I don't know him well enough" I replied

"Well maybe he was as embarrassed as you were and was trying to hide it" Dazai suggested

"Well, if that's true then I'll date him, I guess" I replied

"Oh I know how about you and him go and do karaoke together" Dazai suggested, "if he picks a sexual song, then that might be a sign that he's truly into you"

"Fine, I'll try it out" I replied

 

-Atsushi-

"Hey Atsushi do you want to go to karaoke with me on Friday?" Akutagawa asked

"Why is he asking me to go? Did he make up his mind?" I thought

"Sure" I replied

"Awesome then see you on Friday, I'll come get you after class" Akutagawa said

"Ok" I replied feeling my face going red

Akutagawa left to go to lunch after he heard my answer. Since I had some homework left I went back to the classroom and finished it. After I finished the last page of homework there was still 10 min left of lunch, so I got out my packed lunch and ate. When I finished my lunch there was still some time left and Dazai walked in. 

"Why are you still here?" Dazai asked

"Well, I had some homework to finish, so I did it here instead of at the dorms" I replied

"Oh, I thought it was because you wanted to avoid Akutagawa" Dazai said

"Why would you think that?" I asked

"Well because of what happened at the infirmary" Dazai replied

"Why would I avoid him just because of that?" I asked

"Well, I just thought you were like those characters in shoujo manga when something like that happens" Dazai said

"Why would you even think that I was like one of those shoujo manga characters to begin with?!" I yelled trying to hide my curiosity

"Well because you look like one of the characters in a manga I read" Dazai replied

"............which character?" I asked 

"This one, though only the hair and height are the same" Dazai said

"Oh, he's Allen Walker from D.Gray-man isn't he?" I asked

"Yeah how did you know? Did you watch it?" Dazai asked

"Yeah, I have watched it, dude I finished the series" I said matter-of-factly

"How have you finished the series? Wait, first when did you start the series?" Dazai asked

"I started the series when it came out" I replied

"Seriously! Man I didn't know you were also an otaku" Dazai said

"Well I'm also a fudanshi so yeah" I said truthfully 

"What's a fudanshi?" Dazai asked

"First of all, I am very disappointed in you, second of all, there's no point in telling you if you don't know" I said greatly disappointed 

"Come, on tell me, please?" Dazai asked

"You can look up what it means later, class is about to start" I said avoiding the subject

"After this class school is finally over" I thought

"Okay class get out your textbooks...." the teacher said groggily

"Okay class it's about time for class to be over, so let me ask you this one question" the teacher said, "Do any of you have mental illnesses?" He asked

I put my hand up then I looked around and almost everyone in the class raised their hands.

"It seems like almost everyone does, okay, then I'm going to call on everyone with their hands on and you're going to tell me your mental illness is" the teacher said

"Okay first I'm going to go with Atsushi, what is your mental illness?" The teacher asked

"My mental illnesses are split personalities and depression" I answered honestly

"Oh, so you have two of them, well that's unexpected" the teacher said

This went on until the bell rang. Just as I reached the door I saw a man in black clothes.

"Do we need to stop by your dorm first or can we just leave?" Akutagawa asked

"Can we stop by my dorm first?" I asked nervously

"Sure" he answered

 

-Akutagawa-

Since class ended I rushed to Atsushi's class hoping he hadn't left yet. Thankfully he only just got to the doorway. I don't know why but when I saw him I got really excited for our 'date'. I asked him if he wanted to go to his dorm first or not, when he said he did I don't know why but I started to think of sexual situations that only happen in manga. We reached his dorm in ,what seemed like only a few seconds, he went in to his closet and got out some dark looking clothing. He got dressed then we left. We got a karaoke room and ordered around 3 hours, so we could sing all the songs we wanted to. 

"Do you want to go first or should I go?" I asked

"You can go first" Atsushi replied

"Okay" I answered

I looked at the song options, for a while I couldn't find anything that I know until I got halfway through the song options. I picked one of the songs I knew by heart.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How about instead of summaries I just use this space to make jokes?

Akutagawa Singing

Pain without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

You're sick of feeling numb

You're not the only one

I'll take you by the hand

And I'll show you a world that you can understand

This life is filled with hurt

When happiness doesn't work

Trust me, and take my hand

When the lights go out, you'll understand

Pain without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Anger and agony are better than misery

Trust me, I've got a plan

When the lights go up, you'll understand

Pain without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain, without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd like to feel pain than nothing

Rather feel pain

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know

That you're wounded

(You know, you know, you know, you know)

That I'm here to save you

(You know, you know, you know, you know)

I'm always here for you

(I know, I know, I know, I know)

That you'll thank me later

Pain without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Rather feel pain than nothing at all

Rather feel pain

Song: Pain by Three Days Grace


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is the first joke (warning might be too cannibalistic for most people):  
> Q: How do you get a baby in a blender?   
> A: feet first of course  
> Q: how do you get it out?  
> A: tortilla chips

-Atsushi-

His voice was amazing, it was husky yet not at the same time, it sounded perfect. No matter how much I want to skip my turn I know I can't. I decided to go with a non-sexual song for now. After a while I finally found the perfect song.

Atsushi singing

"Just an average girl  
She always wore a smile  
She was cheerful and happy  
for a short while  
Now she's older  
Things are getting colder  
Life's not what she thought, she wished someone had told her

She told you she was down, you let it slip by  
So from then on she kept it on the inside  
She told herself she was alright  
But she was telling white lies  
Can't you tell? Look at her dull eyes

Tried to stop herself from crying almost every night  
But she knew there was no chance of feeling alright  
Summer came by, all she wore was long sleeves  
'Cause those cuts on her wrists were bleeding through you see

She knew she was depressed, didn't want to admit it  
Didn't think she fit it, everyone seemed to miss it  
She carried on like a soldier with a battle wound  
Bleeding out from every cut her body consumed

She had no friends at school, all alone she sat  
And if someone were to notice she would blame the cat  
But those cuts on her wrist, they were no mistake  
But no one cared enough to save her from this self hate

Things were going down, never really up  
And here she is now stuck in this stupid rut  
She knew exactly what she had to do next  
Just stand on that chair and tie the rope around her neck

She wrote a letter with her hand shaking wild  
"Look at me now! Are you proud of your precious child?"  
But she knew that her parents weren't the ones to blame  
It was the world that should bow down its head in shame

She stood up on the chair and looked out at the moon  
Just don't think, it'll all be over soon  
The chair fell down as she took her final breath  
It's all over, all gone, now she's greeting death

Her Mom walks in, she falls down to the floor  
And now nothing can take back what she just saw  
The little girl that she raised is just hanging there  
Her body's pale and her face is violently bare

She sees the note and unfolds it with care  
All she does is stare, "How can this be fair?"  
She starts reading as the tears roll down her face  
"I'm sorry Mom but this world is just not my place

I've tried for so long to fix this and fit in  
I've come to realize this world's full of sin  
There's nothing for me here, I'm just a waste of space  
I've got no reason to stay here with this awful race

It's a disgrace, I was misplaced  
Born in the wrong time and in the wrong place  
It's Ok though, 'cause you'll see me soon  
You'll know when your time has come, just look at the moon

As it shines bright throughout the night  
And remember everyone's facing their own fight  
But I can't deal with the pain, I'm not a fighter  
You'll make it through the night, just hug your pillow tighter

So let the world know, that I died in vain  
Because the world around me, is the one to blame  
And I know in a year, you'll forget I'm gone  
'Cause I'm not really something to be dwelled on

That's what they used to tell me, all those kids at school  
So I'm going by the law,

Majority rules

My presence on this earth is not needed any longer  
And if anything, I hope this makes you stronger

You're the best friend that I ever had  
Such a shame I had to make you so very sad  
But just remember that you meant everything to me  
And to my heart, you're the only one that held the key

Now it's time to go, I'm running out of space to write  
And yes I lost my fight, but please just hold on tight  
I'm watching over you from the clouds above  
And sending down the purest and whitest dove

To watch over you, and be my helpful eye  
So this is it, world, goodbye."

Song: Her Last Words by Courtney Parker


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second joke (warning may be too gruesome for some people)   
> Q:what's worse than a dumpster full of dead babies?  
> A: there was a live one at the bottom  
> Q: what's worse than that?  
> A: he came back for seconds  
> Q: what's worse than that?  
> A: there was origanally two live ones

-Akutagawa-

Atsushi's voice was gentle yet tear jerking because you could hear the truth in his words when he chose the song.

"Are you hiding something from me?" I asked without thinking

"What do you mean by 'hiding something'?" Atsushi asked noticeably nervous

"Are you suicidal?" I asked

"Um...no" Atsushi said nervously flickering his eyes to his arms

I sensed he was lying to me so I grabbed his arm and forcefully yanked his sleeves up and turned his arm to where his wrists were showing. There were faint scars from needles, probably glass, and a knife. 

"Atsushi did you do this to yourself or did someone else do it to you?" I asked with a hint of anger in my voice

"...." Atsushi didn't answer, but I could see the sadness in his eyes

"You don't have to answer me now, but when you feel like you can tell me please do so" I said hearing the worry in my voice

"Ok, I will try to tell you when I'm sure that i can" Atsushi replied pulling his sleeves back down

"Are the scars why you always wear long sleeves?" I asked

"For the most part yes, but there are some other reasons that I can't tell you yet" Atsushi said

"Ok" I replied

I don't know what came over me, but in the next second I found myself wrapping my arms around Atsushi and clinging to him, while clinging onto him I felt a few tears roll down my face. I sniffled after the last tear fell onto Atsushi's black shirt.

"Akutagawa are you okay? What's wrong?" Atsushi asked in a panicky voice

"It's nothing" I replied wiping the tear residue off my face

"Now should we pick some more songs or should we go home?" I asked faking a smile

"We should do some more songs since we still have a while before our time is up" Atsushi said

"Ok, well I guess I'll pick another song" I said


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third joke (same warning as always)  
> Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house red?  
> A: Depends on how hard you throw them!

-Akutagawa-

I'm slowly learning  
That the things you promised me  
Are burning like the embers  
Of a thousand willow trees, and

 

Every single secret  
Has been broadcast like TV  
Now all the threads are severed  
That were tying you to me  
   
I thought we  
Were friends, but now we're  
Enemies  
   
Pull your knife out of my back  
Your blood runs black  
I was just surprised at how you turned on me so fast  
   
I let you in  
I held you close  
My blood flows like a river 'cause I trusted you the most  
   
And now I know it's over (woo-oooo)  
And now I know it's over (woo-oooo)  
And now I know it's over (woo-oooo)  
And now I know it's over (woo-oooo)  
   
I was so naive I even let you in my home  
Took you out for dinner and let you wear my clothes  
I can't even breathe; I have your scent still in my nose  
It's like I almost miss you; I should have known

 

I thought we  
Were friends, but now we're  
Enemies  
   
Pull your knife out of my back  
Your blood runs black  
I was just surprised at how you turned on me so fast  
   
I let you in  
I held you close  
My blood flows like a river 'cause I trusted you the most  
   
And now I know it's over (woo-oooo)  
And now I know it's over (woo-oooo)  
And now I know it's over (woo-oooo)  
And now I know it's over (woo-oooo)  
   
I thought we  
Were friends, but now we're  
Enemies  
   
Pull your knife out of my back  
Your blood runs black  
I was just surprised at how you turned on me so fast  
   
I let you in  
I held you close  
My blood flows like a river 'cause I trusted you the most  
   
And now I know it's over (woo-oooo)  
And now I know it's over (woo-oooo)  
And now I know it's over (woo-oooo)  
And now I know it's over (woo-oooo)

 

Song: the knife in my back by Alec Benjamin

-Atsushi-

As usual he has a great voice, even though this time his voice sounded more gentle than before, but now it's my turn to show him what I can do...


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fourth joke  
> Person A: Hey wanna hear a joke?  
> Person B: sure  
> Person A: My life  
> Person B: So the joke is nonexistent?  
> Person C: BUURRRNNN!!!

-Atsushi-

Tonight  
Our bodies getting intertwined  
It's fucking filthy feeding off the blood inside  
Dried out veins and no more pain  
Let me know the place and I'll take you away

Tonight  
We're not gonna hold back  
Make way for the freaks giving everybody heart attacks  
What you need is just a little discipline  
And I got a heavy dose of the right medicine

I'm dominate by definition  
I'm turned on by, your submission  
The dark side is how we've been living  
Let me show you what you've been missing (You)  
You, you are, you are my slave  
My little fucking disaster

I, I, I am, I am your god  
Call me  
Call me  
Call me your master

Tonight, We're living dead  
Lure you to my bed, the happy ending is  
Your flesh, under my nails, no more fears and no more tears  
You are  
My murder doll and this is love at first bite  
Bind you in a rope tight  
What you need is just a little discipline  
I got a heavy dose of the right medicine

The dark side is how we've been livin'  
Let me show you what you've been missin'

You, You, You are, You are my slave  
My little fucking disaster

I, I, I am, I am your god

Call me  
Call me  
Call me your master...

Dominate by definition  
So turned on by your submission  
Master of this fucking game  
I'll make you wanna scream my name

Take it off girl  
Strip it with no shame  
I'm a thirsty animal that cannot be tamed

Latex, chains and whips make me hard and excite me  
Come on, throw your hands up and pretend you wanna fight me

Dominate by definition  
So turned on by your submission

 

Master of this fucking game  
I'll make you wanna scream my name

Take it off girl  
Strip it with no shame

I'm a thirsty animal that cannot be tamed

Latex, chains and whips make me hard and excite me  
Come on, throw your hands up and pretend you wanna fight me

You, you, you are, you are my slave  
My little fucking disaster

I, I, I am, I am your god

Call me  
Call me  
Call me your master

Song: Call Me Master by Blood on the Dance Floor

-Akutagawa- 

His voice went a little deeper for this song, which in my opinion was pretty fucking awesome. Before I knew it Atsushi was on my lap and whispering: 

"Wanna leave here and go to my place or do you want to stay and sing some more songs, it's your decision."

"Um c-can you get off of me now" I asked nervously

"No" he replied

"Please Atsush-" he put his hand over my mouth and stared into my eyes, which I'm very sure displayed the terror I was feeling

Atsushi suddenly started to kiss the back of my hand then he started to travel up my arm to my neck, which to be honest felt kind of weird. I tried to push him away, but my strength was being drained from me.

"S-stop it" I choked out

Atsushi didn't reply. 

"Pl-please stop" I begged with tears swelling in my eyes and my voice going shaky

Atsushi got up, put his face in his hands, and whispered,

"What the hell am I doing?!" 

He bolted out of the room and I chased after him soon after with my new found strength.

"Atsushi please stop running" I yelled 

He didn't answer once again, but this time he turned his head and mouthed, 'I'm sorry'.

I continued to pursue him until I heard a loud crash from down the hall. I ran as fast as I could to try to reach Atsushi. When I got to the scene I found Atsushi and Dazai on the ground, neither of them looked hurt, which I was thankful for. I continued to walk towards them to see if they were really okay, but Atsushi noticed me coming closer and started to run away again. Before I ran after him I helped Dazai up to make sure he was fine. When I was just about to start running after him, Chuuya showed up dragging Atsushi behind him.

"Look who I found" Chuuya said proud that he caught him

"Yeah, thanks" I said scratching the back of my head

I went over to grab Atsushi when Dazai stopped me.

"You can't have him quite yet, Akutagawa" Dazai said

"Why?" I asked

"I have a question to ask you" Dazai said

"Well....what's your question" I asked annoyed

"What is going on with you guys?" Dazai asked

"What do you mean?" I asked

"Why was Atsushi running away from you?" Dazai asked

"That's what I want to know" I answered

Dazai sighed and moved his arm out of the way.

"You can take him now" Dazai said

"Thanks" I said

I grabbed Atsushi by the wrist and dragged him off to the dorms. We entered my room and Atsushi sat down on my bed. When Atsushi sat down his face was red and he seemed to be nervous and embarrassed. Something inside of me snapped and I pushed him down on my bed.

"Do you wanna continue where we left off earlier?" I asked

"Uh-umm w-what are you doing?" Atsushi asked nervously

"What are you talking about? I'm just returning the favor" I replied

Atsushi turned even redder and averting his eyes. I moved my hand to his side, he flinched and looked up at me while shivering. I unconsciously smiled at how much he was shaking. I leaned in close to his ear.

"Do you want to continue?" 

Atsushi looked me straight in the eye and started to cry. I snapped out of what ever I was in and asked him if he was okay.

"Do I look okay to you? I mean I get it you were telling me to stop, but I didn't, you're probably pissed off at me now, but do you really have to rub salt in the wound?" Atsushi whined


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fifth joke  
> Q: what's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Ferrari?  
> A: I don't have a Ferrari in my garage

-Atsushi-

"Sorry didn't mean to make you feel that bad" Akutagawa apologized 

"It's fine, just get off of me" I said

"Oh, I'm not going to do that" Akutagawa said

"Eh! why?" I asked

"I want to continue" Akutagawa said, "the only reason I told you to stop at karaoke was because someone might walk in"

"W-w-wait stop, so you're saying I didn't do anything to make you hate me?" I asked

"How could I hate the one I so dearly love?" Akutagawa asked

I felt my face start to burn with embarrassment and averted my eyes. Suddenly there were cold hands crawling under my shirt.

"A-Akutagawa w-what are you d-doing?" I finally managed to stutter out

"I'm continuing where we left off" Akutagawa said while his hand traveled to my neck

Suddenly the door bursts open and Chuuya stomps in.

"What the hell are you guys doing!?" He shouted obviously annoyed

Akutagawa stopped, startled by the sudden intervention of his plans. He turned his head to look at Chuuya and glared at him. Surprisingly Chuuya started to beat the shit out of Akutagawa. I somehow got him to stop.

"Hey Akutagawa do your wounds hurt?" I asked unsure of what to do

"Noo, they feel like sunshine and rainbows" Akutagawa said sarcastically, "of course they hurt!"

"You didn't have to be so sarcastic about it" I replied

"Yeah I did, how could I let an opportunity of sarcasm pass me by" Akutagawa said smiling

-Akutagawa-

"How could Chuuya's punches hurt this badly!? He used to be so weak, he could barely inflict pain upon anyone else besides himself. Wait, but Dazai did say that they went to the gym together a couple times. But would Chuuya really do exercise of any sort? Nah, he's sort of like me and takes no part in sports or anything that requires physical activity." I thought to myself as Atsushi was applying ointments to the scratches that I got from Chuuya.

"I didn't expect Chuuya to be so violent" Atsushi said

"Me neither" Dazai said popping out of nowhere like usual

I jumped from the sudden agreement. Atsushi seemed to expect it somehow and wasn't surprised at all.

"Booo, I thought I could scare you this time" Dazai said disappointed 

"You're going to have to try harder than that if you want to scare me" Atsushi replied with a sly grin

"But I scared you that one time" I replied

"How did you do it?" Dazai asked excitedly

"Well it was the time when-" Akutagawa paused and started blushing wildly from remembering the time when he practically pounced upon Atsushi   
Ike a sex driven animal


End file.
